Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
