filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
