I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
