I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
