just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
