So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
