Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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