I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
