people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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