I have demons in me.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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