Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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