I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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