hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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