Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
