i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
