Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
