I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
