as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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