I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
