I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize