dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
