there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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