So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we made out on top of his cat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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