I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
