Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
