my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he thought i was a dude.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
