i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
