I'm eating all of the evidence.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize