im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
