note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
