My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
