Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
