Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
