I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
