She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
