watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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