Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
