Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
