Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize