never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
