You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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