I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
