2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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