There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
