; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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