What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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