Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
