Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
