he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
