Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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