I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
