Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
