3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
honey bunches of taint.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
