I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
