I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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