ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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