yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
