So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
