You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
