How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
