We won't sleep together?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
