Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
