sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
