Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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