forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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