just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize