I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
