you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
