There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
