dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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