If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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