remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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