She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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