he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
