I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
