Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
