this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
