Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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