She is in my trunk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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