I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
