In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize