you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The air was thick with penises
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
