you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
