I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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