No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
