I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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