some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
