im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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