So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
