we'll go far in life on tits alone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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