hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
