so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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