Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
