I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
